I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
you had me at cake vodka
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
