just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
BRING THE BAGELS
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
