i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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