Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
