And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
