im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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