I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
