Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
