Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
