Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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