so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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