Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
