Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
