friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
