all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
