did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
