You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
