My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
