He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize