How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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