once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
