omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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