the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
