It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
