I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
