Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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