he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize