So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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