That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
