Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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