just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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