well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Four minutes until I can fart!
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
