And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
