if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
