There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
