Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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