im about as happy as oj after his trial
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
