omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
don't judge my taste in strippers
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
