Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
