fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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