My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
