if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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