my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
