nut hugger
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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