She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
