Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
