You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
