idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
