I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
it's like iHOP with fire
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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