apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I use my feet as sexual weapons
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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