She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
operation have a gay friend backfired
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
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