I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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