I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
