It's like God shit irony all over that family
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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