nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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