I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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