can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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