You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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