I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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