The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
