I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
