I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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