You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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