What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
