your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
