The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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