let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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