After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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