I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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