just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize