I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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