When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
