My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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