i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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