Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
im holly from the hills drunk
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
