I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Drake has all the answers
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
