I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
