I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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